FEMINITY IS SPELT “S-T-R-E-N-G-H-T”

“A good woman is hard to find, and worth far more than diamonds”

Proverbs 31:10

The recession bit hard! First it started with the reduction of her husband’s pay check, then came the announcement that the company could not keep up with the enormous task of paying overhead without commensurate profit and then the retrenchments. Her husband was affected. He had had a lucrative job that paid all the bills to a T and she didn’t have to soil her toes…except of course it had to do with running after the kids and taking care of the home front. 

Then reality set in! Her allowance dwindled and then came to a grinding halt. She knew she had to readjust. Her marriage oaths said “For better or for worse”. They had no savings left to fall back on and truth be told, they had been a little bit too comfortable and had forgotten to cover their backs. No one ever anticipated that her husband of all people would be affected…but he was. That was the reality they had to deal with.

She dusted her resume. She was a trained and qualified accountant and had to knock on several doors until a window finally opened for her from which some rays of sunlight streamed in until her husband found something else to do to earn some income. 

The scene above represents the reality of some women. Single, married, single mother or whatever role you currently play, life deals different cards to you at different stages of your life. Some of these experiences require that you make a decision; decide to be a pushover and do nothing or take the bull by the horn and respond with equal strength.

In the example above, strength was shown by the support the woman gave to her husband in trying times. Don’t let anyone fool you, it is a lot sweeter to be weak than strong…at least for a while that is, until you have to go through the famous reality checks. 

It could be a single woman battling with all kinds of ailments where it is just easier to give up and give in to fear or dealing with lack and joblessness and it’s easy to just lose yourself and trade your significance to become a certified dependent (meanwhile nothing do your hands and feet o, cos let’s face it :people become CEOs and yet are far less opportuned than you are).

It can also be just someone who has accepted the status quo that women never amount to anything good or are not as intelligent as their male counterpart. In this part of the world, where I am privileged to come from, it is very common for a woman who have lots of female children to be looked upon as a dismal failure (since in addition to being a living human oven, she also shares God’s position as being a child giver, perhaps). Or you happen to be raised in that kind of family where any investment preferences are first given to the important males in the family then you get the leftovers.
Back up a little bit sister. Grab your cup of green tea (since the fad these days is to stay trim), let’s think about this logically shall we? You have to be a lot of things in one. You are the one who is endowed with intuitiveness, great multi-tasking skills, ability to smile even when you are losing blood every month and it hurts like hell or worse, you carry a human being for nine months who goes in as a tiny cell called sperm and comes out as a fully developed human being, you are the only one who can drive, and plan the menu and deliver the speech all in your mind at one time. You are a lot of things in one, remember! And you let people get away with calling you weak? Think again! Do not lose the hidden treasure that God has put into you. For in keeping your head high comes the noble character to keep walking tall (not necessarily on heels though:mrgreen:). You are God’s finest creation. Noble, strong and very beautiful inside out. 

​Marvellous Okoro (Mrs)

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Winning in Time of Challenges

The cold beat her lips bad…it cracked and trembled with the harmattan wind. She knew her body needed rest and perhaps a little pampering. She had worked three jobs for three straight weeks with as little as three hours rest punctuated with intermittent demands from her son, Chetachi; the only reminder of her short but memorable marriage.

Gozie and Linda had a marriage made in heaven. He was a specialist in wood making and furniture; what people referred to as a Carpenter. The money it raked in was just enough to pay their basic bills. The apartment they stayed in was in a low cost estate. They had their meals with a smile. Everything was great until she took in for Chetachi. The frequent medical complications as well as the cost of medical bills they had to pay seemed to drive in a strain nursed by unmet expectations.

On the 22nd of December, She went into labour four weeks before her due date. As Gozie led her to the hospital and had to take down the numerous requests, he realized he was ill prepared for this new addition.  It was in search of the means to take charge of his new fatherhood status that he had the ghastly motor accident that rendered him crippled. He was even left for dead on the road until he was seen and rushed to the hospital for treatment.

One week later, he went from bad to worse. His open wounds received no attention until it became heavily infected and had to be amputated. Meanwhile, Linda struggled to make ends meet. Chetachi was barely 6 weeks old when she started to work…menial jobs were all she was able to get hired to do. Their relationship went from bad to worse until she came back from work and met her husband’s corpse. He had died of a heart attack or perhaps of the shame of not being able to be the Man in the home.

Fast forward to two years later; she knew she was really trying to stand for her son and herself. She hated how their circumstance left their blissful relationship (with her heartthrob of all ages) literally in shreds and went on the permanent snuffing out of any candle of hope that may have lingered in her heart even in the midst of the raging storm. She wasn’t going to let failure win. True, she had been beaten badly by the worst kind of pain…death; but she had a life to protect, to live for and to give herself to. And win she would. Yes she would!

A Princess In all Her Glory: Wake Up and Smell the Coffee

“If you are tired from carrying heavy burdens, come to me and I will give you rest. 29 Take the yoke I give you. Put it on your shoulders and learn from me. I am gentle and humble, and you will find rest. This yoke is easy to bear, and this burden is light.”

Matthew 11:28-30 (CEV)

It was the week of Sesan’s Murder trial. He had been locked up for weeks after the incident and each time his trial was fixed, for one reason or the other, it was moved further away. The waiting period heightened the tension which never seemed to go away at all. It was either the judge had an accident or was unavoidably absent or had to attend to family issues. It was just from one excuse to another and two years of misery had crept by just like that. Life was hard and exhausting for Maureen. She wiped the tears that burned her eyelids again. She was always crying and depressed. It was a miracle she hadn’t been diagnosed of HBP or some terrible ailment.

As she stood in what used to be Sesan’s bedroom she couldn’t hold the stream of tears that seemed to flow now without remedy. Her misery started after a brief 10 years of marriage. She could remember quite vividly the dress she wore when the news of her husband’s death was brought to her. Dotun was a very handsome and intelligent but shy man. But he had eyed Maureen the first day he met her in his cousin’s birthday party. She later learnt that he had got his cousin, who was her friend, an expensive birthday present in exchange for arranging an ‘accidental’ meeting for them. She smiled through her tears as she remembered the way he shivered around her and was practically drooling. She pretended not to notice the look in his eyes when he held her hands and kissed it. From then on it was bliss so it wasn’t such a surprise to their friends when he proposed marriage three years later. One of the promises he made to her was that he would never leave her alone. On the day the news came, she had just found out that after ten years of waiting for a child, she was finally pregnant. She knew Dotun was going to practically kiss her all-over. He had been her pillar throughout the waiting period. She wore her lovely yellow polka dot gown that he loved so much for some reason known to him, as he would always say. She fussed with dinner as she couldn’t get herself to settle out of sheer excitement. Her mind was still on whether to call for delivery dinner or go out when she heard the knock. She flung her door open expecting to see her sweetheart but was greeted with the sullen face of two of his friends who happened to be his colleagues. There had been an accident, they explained. The office was attacked by armed robbers and his death was collateral damage. 

She didn’t know how she survived it all. After the burial, her in-laws frustrated her out of the house and called her a witch. It was a life of pain and struggle. When Sesan was born, he looked so much like Dotun that she couldn’t bear to touch him for days. On his first birthday she wept terribly. This was supposed to be the happiest time of their lives. Had Dotun been alive, it would have been celebrated with great pump and pageantry. But here she was, she could hardly afford to give him a decent life and was grateful for the support her parents gave. Sesan’s hard time had got him mixed up with drugs and bad friends and here she was. He had actually drawn a gun and shot his friend over a heated argument. It was obvious that he had acted on impulse but he still had to pay the price. She had cleaned her little savings to get him a decent defense lawyer. 

The legal proceedings took a while. After his guilty verdict was read and he was sentenced to 25 years of imprisonment, she noticed the look of regret and pain in Sesan’s eyes. He was hurting deep within and needed all the support he could get. Add 25 years to her 48 years and she knew she didn’t have much of a chance. Life has been very unfair to her. Her world was crumbling so fast all she had was herself, Sesan who was in the prison, and God! Oh the thought of God sent such flicker of hope in her heart. She knew there was a God; there was no doubt about that. But why had He allowed her all this pain in her life? What was she ever going to do to get free of the choking depression? She had never remarried after Dotun’s death and so had no companion. What was she going to do? As she sat on the sitting room sofa, she experienced a push, an energy to pray. She knew it was much stronger than she could handle. She didn’t know how so she poured it all the way she knew. And like Hannah, the barren woman in the bible, she knelt down in drunken communion and poured out her heart to God. She was 48, true. Her son, and only child, was going to be in jail for 25 years which was enough burden to kill a woman. But she felt peace. She gave her burden to the Lord and somehow knew she could have her remaining 40 something years of life in better hands…in His hands. It was then she heard the unwavering voice of the Master. It was time to stretch her limbs, to make the most of her life, what’s left of it, to get better and to be happy. So she made the decision to let Him help her. She could get up and smell the coffee and go through the storm with His strong arm of grace. She knew it wasn’t the end of life and that it was going to be okay.

Let’s pause here for a second. Ladies, this story depicts the deepest level of calamities and pain and burden that anybody can be faced with. In the midst of severe hardship and storms of life, the Bible says when we build our house on the Solid Rock, we are sure to remain standing firm no matter how fierce the storm or the heavy the rain. No matter where you are right now, all hope isn’t lost. It is possible to pick up the pieces of your life and ‘move on’. But there has to be a conscious step towards coming to Him and letting Him handle that burden of pain, depression. I have found this to be the best antidote for pain and sorrow especially situations when have no idea what to do and how to go about  it just give him the free reign to take care of it. He didn’t say the storms won’t come. But he promised that when we go through the fire and the threatening flood he would be with us. What can we do in such situations of utter helplessness?

1.      Praise is a weapon of warfare. It invites God to your situation. You tell him “I know about all these troubles and situations but I also know that You have the power and all that it takes to make a change and/or give me what it takes to get though it” It lodges you total trust in your heavenly bank account as it were and releases God’s miraculous.

2.      Worship and Thanksgiving. You recount all His mercies in your life. Remind Him of that time He helped you through that seemingly difficult situation. At that time you thought all hope was lost and there was no hope in view and then like a flash, He stepped into the situation in all His glory. Worship recognizes the personality of God and reflects who He is to you.

3.      Prayers. This means talking to God and totally telling Him how you feel, without any technicalities, and pouring it all at His feet. It also reflects your understanding of your position in Christ. As a Princess, you make declarations. If your Father created the entire universe in six days with the words, you too can shape your world by your words. Speak life to your circumstances and not death and despair.

What will He do for you in return?

·         He will give you peace that passes all understanding. A certain calmness in your spirit that is invigorating and inspiring. When His peace is in your heart, you go through situations without fainting and without giving room to fear.

·         He will fill your heart with gratitude. Gratitude moves God to perfecting all that concerns you.

·         You can expect the miraculous. God works in mysterious ways. So let Him handle it.

Shalom!

Marvellous Ogbonna-Okoro

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Peace in The Time of Storm-Meeting Fear with Faith: Discussion

Ladies, I believe our weekends are going on smoothly as planned. In the midst of all the ‘busyness’ that characterizes our weekend especially the ones that are married and blessed with the glorious responsibilities of home-keeping, as much as possible please find time to relax, hang your gloves and do something fun for yourself….yea you heard me right, I’m talking about your ‘me-time’. It is necessary to maintain your serenity sometimes.

Now let’s recap our discussion on meeting fear with faith. Please answer the following questions as sincerely as possible;

·         What are your biggest fears? Loneliness, Not being able to measure-up, Break-up of your marriage, Failure name them

·         What is the underlying reason behind these fears? Are they real or imagined? Has event given you a reason to be afraid of it?

·         Is there a plausible solution for these fears? What do you think you can do about the situation?

·         Write out possible solutions (please be realistic on this one). For example, what can I do about the fear of Failure?

·         What does the word of God say about fear? What scriptures can you find to encourage your heart?

Here are a few steps you can take to take care of fear.

1.    Understand the underlying reason for this fear. Usually, when you want to cut down a tree that you want to have it remained down, you go to its root and pull it out, severing the connection between the tree and minerals that can help it grow and re-grow.

2.    Determine whether they are real or imagined. Some of our fears are a figment of our imaginations. We must be careful what we imagine. The Bible says we should guard our hearts with all diligence for from it flow the issues of our lives. Proverbs 4:23.

3.    Take your fears to the Lord. Do something about the issue. Don’t just sit there and get miserable. Get up and pray about it. What does the Lord say about it? God loves to hear us speak His Word back to Him. Confess it, believe it and ask Him for grace to go through without being hurt.

4.    Let God handle it. When you get to the point where you can’t do anything physically about those fears, you can get down on your knees and raise a cry to heaven.

Above all, never let a feeling fester and take root in your heart without doing anything about it. Remember that you are a victor and not a victim so please act like one. When trouble knocks, answer the door with Faith. The lesser power always bows to the greater. 

Peace In The Time of Storm-Meeting Fear With Faith

“For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.”

2 Timothy 1:7 (New King James Version) “

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and of good courage; do not be afraid, nor be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”

Joshua 1:9 (New King James Version) “

Fear not, for I am with you; Be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, Yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.”

Isaiah 41:10 (New King James Version)

Her life was falling apart! She knew it. First she noticed Muyiwa, the man that was her ‘prince in shinning amour’ suddenly turn to something she wasn’t sure she wanted to have a part of. First he started getting irritable and angry. Any thing she said or did had the capacity to earn her one of these, ” You must be out of your mind”, “Continue like this and we are done for good” and “Good for nothing woman”. Or one of those, “Please who is even talking?”, “Try and sound intelligent for once”, “I have better things to talk about”.

Shade and Muyiwa met in the University. She was a first year student of Medicine and Surgery while Muyiwa studied Computer Engineering. He was a Comp whiz and was always the center of attraction in his class. He seemed to know it before the lecturer even teaches it. He organized tutorial sessions for people and was just everyone’s favorite person. They met, maintained a relationship through school and eight (8) years later, they were married. That was the most memorable period of her life….she remembered walking down the aisle feeling like the most blessed of women. During the first Five years of the marriage they were practical on a roller-coaster ride. Life progressed pretty fast; the promotions, the high level job movements, the children, the vacation and all the perks that came with being married to a man whose skills were on high demand…fabulousness! She didn’t have to work for one day…Muyiwa was making enough to feed five families. Her medical training was limited to her home.

Things started changing though after he was offered a position in a big multinational organization. She was happy on one hand but she hoped it wasn’t going to tear them apart. Then the distances became wider and wider, communications dropped, only coming in trickles and with instructions (like he did with his computer programs). When he came back, she never really had the best of it. He always had one meeting to attend, a training to oversee, a conference he must attend and a business partner he had to talk to. She, Shade, became less attractive to him, they weren’t flowing on the same frequency anymore. At this point, intimacy was on the decline as sex was reduced to once-in-a-while activity. When he added adultery as a feather to his cap, it reduced their matrimonial commitment considerably. She knew he was cheating but didn’t know how to confront him. She barely knew him anymore. Then he started sleeping out, several nights in a row. His phone would ring and he would move away from her and started making call. Oh! those smiles! Those were the smiles on his face when they were still really into each other. It was at this point she knew that her marriage was headed for the rocks. He had lost interest in her and they were no longer compatible. So when he served her the divorce papers, she was heartbroken. She had feared that the divorce was coming and with it the security she had, the financial support and all the perks that came with being married to a successful man.

Now that he was leaving, her deepest fear was confirmed. She was really going to leave all she had worked for, building her relationship and later on marriage to another woman. She was going to have to learn to work for herself and fend for her needs which was like starting from scratch, starting all over again. She hadn’t even been with any other man in her life except him and didn’t know how she was going to cope or even trust any man again. She was broken. Life was really not fair!

Sometimes, we go through really difficult and trying situations that shakes the foundation of our faith in Christ. It can be triggered by a sudden upsetting in our way of life or the loss of a loved one, debt, severe poverty and deteriorating health conditions. What do we do when we hit dead ends like this? There’s only one way out and that’s to tell it to the Lord. We might say, “You gotta be kidding me, babe can’t you see God has failed me?” That’s an expression that comes from a broken heart, and I understand it. God understands it. He knows our pain and our deepest fears. He knows just how it hurt us. Imagine the hurt he felt when he had to send his Son to die for mankind…and the ‘foolish mankind’ haven’t even understood the extent of this sacrifice. Imagine what it was like to turn away from His Son because he bore the Sins of the world. When Jesus, cried “Why have you Forsaken me”. He couldn’t even stand to watch! And it hurt him really bad. He was a God who could not behold iniquity. He felt pain! Believe me, Jesus feels your pain. He knows your pain and He can mend the broken peaces of your life. What can you do?

• Tell Him how you feel. The importance of building a close relationship with God can never be over-emphasized. Let Him know exactly how you feel. Let Him in, don’t shut you out. By all means cry and let it out before Him.
• Trust he can handle it. Hold on to His word and his promises.
• Pray! The Physical answers to the Spiritual. What you see in the Physical, believe it or not, was first conceived in the Spiritual. Remember that nothing is too great for God to handle.
• Just like the Hebrew boys, determine not to bow to fear.

Sometimes tragedies happen to open your eyes to what you didn’t know you had the ability to handle, to do or to become.  It may be painful but who says the furnace the gold goes through is desirable. Yet when it comes out, it becomes a master-piece. That’s what happens when you don’t shake in the times of adversity.

Let me get your feedbacks, questions and prayer requests on theproverbs31club@gmail.com